It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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