I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
