Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
