i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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