Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
