She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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