just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
