my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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