I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i now understand why vodka
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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