Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
