she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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