he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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