the day after is always just damage control
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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