sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize