I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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