did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
