I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
