So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
