his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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