We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
