I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
