just come out here and I will go home with you...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
