you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
try to milk me bitch
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
