Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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