my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
