you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
