am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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