Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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