well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
