Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize