??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize