My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
