he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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