I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
