Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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