There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
