So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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