My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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