dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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