Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
