dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize