so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
