I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
