Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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