Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
accomplished twins. life is a go
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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