So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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