We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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