It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize