Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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