how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I need to calm my uterus...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
