I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
