I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
