So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
