Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize