is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
