I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
