Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
