I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
