IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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