Sponge bath it is.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
