you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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