I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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