I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
