honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
