Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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