i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize