I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need a beard to bite.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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