Non-Jews are for practice
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize