Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
