Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
